


Happy(?) Birthday, Patton!

by thatoneinsecurenerd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Fluff and Angst, Food, Gen, No Romance, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Remus is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatoneinsecurenerd/pseuds/thatoneinsecurenerd
Summary: Patton is sure that everyone in the Mindscape hates him, even months after the wedding. He’s sure that he’s meant to spend his birthday miserable. But his fam-ILY could never hate him. They would never not give him the best birthday to date.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Happy(?) Birthday, Patton!

**Author's Note:**

> Patton is the character I relate to most, so of course, he gets an angsty birthday fic. My bad....

Patton knew he was the reason for the figurative divide in the Mindscape, just like he knew he was the reason for the literal divide. Roman and Virgil would probably blame Janus for it - always eager to paint him as the villain – even though Patton knew _he_ was the real villain. And so, he wasn’t surprised when his birthday this year was different from the previous. 

This year, he woke up alone. That happened last year, too. But last year, there was also a note next to his glasses – written in Logan’s perfect, dark blue script – that was the first step on a pun-filled treasure hunt through the Imagination and back to the kitchen, which had been decorated in baby blue balloons and silver streamers – as well as some baby blue frosting that didn’t appear to have made it on the Sleeping Beauty cake that Roman had certainly had a hand in making. 

This year, after pulling on his glasses, Patton didn’t find a note. He found no indication that the day was different than normal. He knew it was his birthday, though, because he could look over his head at his calendar, which included his birthday decorated in baby blue hearts (among a few other birthdays of Thomas’s friends and family, decorated in other-colored hearts). 

He knew they could have been planning a surprise for him and someone could knock on his door to blindfold him and lead him out into the kitchen, like people in movies did sometimes. But honestly, he doubted it. He was sure that the only Side that might want to see him was Janus – whose Side he had taken in the last major episode, whose acceptance he had helped steamroll. And he was sure Janus wouldn’t come see him. Assuming he remembered Patton’s birthday. 

Logan was undoubtedly hurt that Patton had skipped his Lowdown. Roman was hurt by Janus’s words and upset that Patton had taken his side. Virgil never liked Janus, so now there’s no way he liked Patton. Remus and Patton had never gotten along, their ideas too conflicting. 

Patton honestly didn’t know if it would be worth it to get out of bed. There was nothing beyond his door waiting for him. He could just spend his day in his room, on one of Thomas’s old laptops, and look at the fanart and nicer fanfiction that the fans wrote for him. 

Thomas’s fans were such wonderful people. Patton loved them all so much. He was glad they still loved him. At least, he assumed he did. But maybe they sided with Roman and Virgil now. Maybe Patton’s birthday wouldn’t be anything special this year. 

And gosh, didn’t that thought hurt. The thought that no one cared about him anymore. The thought that he’d made one too many mistakes and a few too little apologies. 

His heart hurt. He hurt all over. Now, he _really_ didn’t want to get out of bed. 

He could just stay in bed all day and cuddle all of Thomas’s old stuffed animals. It’s what lonely people always did – Logan could probably cite some psychological study that said exactly that – and, well, Patton was a lonely person this year. He was alone on his birthday. He’d probably be alone for a while. Or forever, if no one decided to forgive his numerous apologies after he’d never seemed to change. 

But he _could_ change. He was a year older now. He could change. Starting tomorrow. 

He wanted birthday cake. He wanted a celebration. He wanted a day with his friends. But he knew he wouldn’t get it. 

A part of him felt like this misery was the only birthday gift he deserved. And the rest of him didn’t feel inclined to argue. 

He would deny, if anyone asked - (surely no one cared enough about him anymore to ask) - that tears were streaming down his cheeks. That snot ran from his nose. And he didn’t bother to wipe it away. Because it’s not like anyone was going to come to see him, come to see him like this. 

He hugged a large stuffed bear close to his chest, burying his messy face in its worn fur. He let it muffle the sobs he began to let out, as his loneliness overcame him. 

He couldn’t hear the knocking over his sobbing. Not even as it persisted. It didn’t even register, to him, that he might just be loud enough to alert the other Sides to his horrible mental state. ( _Could Sides have horrible mental states if they were metaphysical human beings?_ Patton supposed it didn’t matter. Nothing felt like it mattered. Not if his birthday was truly as horrible as it seemed like it would shape up to be today.) 

“Patton?” a voice called out to him from the opposite side of the closed door. It was always unlocked, but his privacy was always respected. The voice called out to him again when he didn’t answer, still unable to hear them over his sobbing. Or maybe he just didn’t believe that he wasn’t hearing things. _Because why would anyone seek him out after he’d wronged all of them?_

“Patton?” the voice called a third time, louder. They pounded an urgent knock into the door. 

“Go away!” Patton screamed, finally registering the sounds. His voice was muffled by the stuffed bear, and his throat ached. 

“Patton, you appear to be doing unwell.” Patton, now that he was listening more closely – his sobbing halted, because he knew someone could hear it now, and gosh, he hated showing his kiddos that he was upset – could identify Logan’s voice. “May I come in so we may discuss what the issue is before your mental state begins to affect Thomas’s own?” Patton muttered something incomprehensible into the stuffed bear’s fur. “Could you repeat that, please?” 

“Go away!” Patton yelled again. “I just want to be alone!” 

“On your birthday?” _He remembered?_

“Please go away, Logan.” Patton’s voice sounded more broken by the reminder. _How pathetic was it that he was crying on the morning of his birthday?_

“What if I told you that everyone is waiting to see you? Would it help to resolve your cognitive distortions?” 

“No one wants to see me. No one likes me anymore.” 

“If I didn't like you, would I be standing outside your door, trying to help you feel better, when you know that emotions aren’t my department?” 

“You just want me to be better for Thomas. But I have too many emotions to repress.” His own little Freudian slip. 

“Maybe that is all true, but that doesn't negate the fact that it is your birthday and that we are all willing to put aside our differences for your big day.” 

“Are you?” Patton asked. He pulled his head out from its place in the stuffed bear’s fur. “Or are you just saying that?” 

“You’ll just have to get up and see, Pat. We can wait for as long as you need, but we’re all in the kitchen.” 

“You mean it?” Patton looked at the door with reddened eyes, once again filling with tears, as if he could see Logan through the white wood. Logan - though Patton couldn’t see it - nodded. 

“I mean it.” He sounded so genuine. Patton wasn’t Deceit, but he imagined that Logan wouldn’t lie to him about something like this. Especially since Logan typically dealt in facts and not falsehoods. 

“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Patton finally said. 

“We’ll be waiting for you.” Logan smiled softly. Patton heard the logical Side’s footsteps retreat. He waited another moment before pulling himself out of bed, pulling himself to standing on limbs that felt like they were weighed down by his heavy heart. Pulling himself together. 

*** 

Patton had tried to put in a little effort to dress up. For one, it would hopefully deflect any questions about why his eyes were still red-rimmed behind the lenses of his glasses. For another, birthdays were supposed to be a happy time, and since he was the happy, pappy father figment, it was almost expected of him to put in that extra effort on anyone’s big day. But especially his own. Even if he didn’t feel particularly happy pappy. 

He put a few sparkly, silver stickers on his face, hoping the shimmer of them would distract from the shimmer of his eyes. He threw on one of his nicer baby blue polos. And of course, he wore his cat hoodie, the hood up (to hide his messy hair that he’d halfheartedly run a finger through). 

Once he was dressed and felt presentable enough, Patton opened the door to his room. He took a deep breath to fight back any tears remaining in his heavy heart. He fought back the thoughts that said that Logan had been lying to him and that he’d walk into the kitchen only to be disappointed. Or maybe everyone would be there, but they’d expect him to make them more cookies, because he took care of all the baking while Roman took care of all the cooking, even though it was _his_ birthday and he’d appreciate _them_ all trying to bake something for him. 

Logan was an excellent baker, those times Patton could coax him into the kitchen. His precision and chemistry expertise made the craft easy for him. Virgil was also good at it, because he had the precision of a perfectionist, but he was much harder to coax into the kitchen than Logan because he was afraid of burning himself on the oven somehow. And Roman liked to experiment, which was good for cooking, but not so good for baking. 

Patton had yet to invite Janus into the kitchen to bake with him. Maybe he could try tomorrow, if he felt better. If everyone was actually in the kitchen and they managed to cheer him up with a birthday surprise. 

Patton took another deep breath before stepping over the threshold and into the empty hallway. The Mindscape was completely quiet. He began to doubt, again, that everyone was in the kitchen waiting for him. But he knew that the only way to find out was to go into that room. 

He closed his bedroom door. He took another deep breath to strengthen his resolve. Then, he stepped forward, away from his door and closer to the kitchen. 

His legs shook beneath him, begging to return to the safety of his room, where he didn’t have to worry about a potentially-disappointing scene, a potentially-empty kitchen. But Patton fought against them and kept walking. 

The Mindscape remained quiet even as he got closer to the kitchen. And when he got close enough that he could see inside it, no one appeared to be there. He almost crumbled then and there, his shaking legs beneath him no longer feeling strong enough to hightail it back to the safety of his room. 

He took in a hiccup of a breath, feeling tears pricking at the backs of his eyes, when all of a sudden: 

“Surprise!” four voices said, in varying degrees of excitement. Patton almost choked on his air, almost crumbled to the ground in fear. He felt a little like what Virgil must have felt like on a daily basis – always geared to flee or fight some unknown threat – before he registered who the voices belonged to. 

Roman sang the word, popping up from the opposite side of their dining room table with a flourish. 

Logan said it monotone, but Patton knew there was a kindness behind it. He stepped out from behind the wall of the kitchen. 

Janus said it sarcastically, but Patton imagined he meant it genuinely. He waved a rubber spatula covered in what was either baby blue cake batter or runny baby blue frosting. He had a speck of flour on his nose. 

Virgil said it softly, his voice hidden under the others unless you knew where to look like Patton did. His lips quirked up in the tiniest of smiles, and his nose, too, had a speck of flour on it. The front of his black and purple patchwork hoodie was also dusted in flour. 

Actually, now that Patton was looking a little closer, everyone appeared to be covered in flour to some degree. They all had identical specks on their noses. The cowlick that hung front and center on all of their faces was completely covered in flour on Roman’s face, making Roman look a lot more like Remus. (Patton tried not to think about that. About _him_.) 

Logan’s tie had been removed, and he had a dark, wet spot on his black button-up shirt. Janus’s hat had been removed at some point, as well. 

Patton stepped further into the kitchen, as if needing to see the extent of the inevitable mess they all had made trying to work together. No doubt Roman had tried to spearhead the project and Janus and Logan had tried to object with logic. Virgil had probably hissed at Janus a few times, backing Roman up even though he actually agreed with Logan and Janus, because he couldn’t bring himself at admit to agreeing with Janus. 

The kitchen looked as disastrous as Patton had expected it to, given the messy states of his fellow Sides. There was a reason Patton always supervised the baking. Each of the other Sides had their own flaws when it came to baking, and Patton was able to help them through them all. 

For example, Janus’s baking weakness was, apparently, whipping the frosting enough. Roman’s was measuring everything precisely, and while Virgil and Logan could have easily covered that, they hadn’t appeared to have thought of it, because flour also dusted the kitchen floor. Patton couldn’t even see the tile beneath. 

Logan cracked his eggs a little too hard, always underestimating his own strength (claiming that he had none, because he read books and didn’t do any nonsense fighting like Roman did, even though his daily exercise regimen included push-ups and a few miles on his treadmill). 

Virgil didn’t trust himself near the oven, so if he was in charge of pulling the food out of it, it tended to be a little undercooked. 

But as always, Patton appreciated the effort. And he was glad to help them all clean up the mess on them, on the floor, and on the countertops as his cake baked in the oven. 

He was there to pull the cake out of the oven. He was there to supervise as Logan stacked the layers with careful, precise hands. He was there as Roman frosted and decorated it, Virgil hovering over his shoulder and giving his pessimistic opinion when he slipped past Patton and Janus’s defenses. 

Patton got the chance to be with his fam-ILY on his birthday, and he didn’t want to be anywhere else. Not even when Roman sang “Happy Birthday” louder than everyone else, riffing to show them all up. Not even when he had to reprimand Roman for trying to give Janus the smallest piece of cake – especially since it was actually Logan's job to cut the cake. 

He received a small gift from each of them, along with assurances that they loved him still, that they’d just needed some time to heal. _A lot_ of time to heal. A lot of time to work out their issues with each other. (And Patton knew that that was still a work in progress. Unless Roman and Janus had taken to bickering jokingly and Virgil and Janus had done the same.) 

But all in all, despite its rocky start, it was one of his best birthdays to date. (Yes, he said that about every birthday. But every birthday was truly the best. And the next one always topped the previous.) 

He felt lucky to have his fam-ILY around. Lucky that they’d all gotten through their rocky patches and came out stronger. Lucky to have had the best birthday surprise to date.


End file.
